Is Marriage Dead?

by Kylie Ardill < http://www.boxplanet.com.au >
Copyright 2000


Can you have a long term, stable, committed relationship
without being married?


Heading into my 6th year in a de-facto (hate that word!)
relationship and our union getting stronger every day I
would say yes.


Are my partner and I committed? Absolutely! We have a
son and we are committed to each other, our parenting and
our relationship just as though we were married in the
traditional sense of the word.


However, if you are Father Brian Lucas, spokesman for the
Catholic Church of Australia you might say no.


A recent survey of Australian teenagers found that
two-thirds of today's teens would choose a long term
relationship over marriage. To which Father Brian Lucas
has responded "it appears that young people don't think that
they'll have the opportunity to appreciate the quality of life
you get from a long-term, stable, committed relationship".


By shunning marriage does it mean mean that they cannot
be committed, does it mean that their relationships cannot
be stable and does it mean they cannot be long term?


In his reasoning as to why teens responded to marriage in
this way Father Lucas blames TV Soap Operas for
trivialising marriage. Now that's a nice flippant response.


With the divorce rate climbing and showing no signs of
stopping most teens have either experienced divorce first
hand or have comforted friends through the experience. Is it
any wonder that they should decide that marriage no longer
holds the same sanctity it used to? Is it any wonder that they
would choose an alternative route for themselves?


I'm not sure that marriage is as relevant today as it was 50
or even 20 years ago. Living in a de-facto relationship no
longer carries the same stigma as it used to, it's acceptable
in most corners of today's society. The word "illegitimate" in
reference to a child born out of wedlock has been removed
from our language and children today are growing up in a
vast array of different situations on the home front. From
single parents, to divorced parents, homosexual parents --
we've got it all covered.


What is marriage now days anyway? What does it mean?
Divorce isn't so hard to come by and marriages are failing
daily, falling by the wayside of a new millennium. It used to
mean a commitment to the other person, for better or
worse, through thick and thin with a certificate to prove it. It
used to hold a strong foundation for the basis of family and
family values.


Yet today we can maintain strong family values without
marriage, we can teach our children right from wrong
without being married and do a pretty good job of it at that.


Is marriage dead?


The question has been troubling me for when I think of my
son as an adult I think of him as married with a wife and
kids. I project upon him what I was raised to believe was
the "right" way (before I learnt how to make up my own
mind). Yet from this survey I see that by the time my son is
an adult marriage may be a thing of the past or the abnormal
route in a normal world.


Perhaps it's not dead, and won't be for a long time -- but it
seems to be dying.


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RESOURCE BOX:


Kylie Ardill is co-editor of Australian family and parenting
magazine Box Planet < http://www.boxplanet.com.au >. Visit
Box Planet for great articles, community and information for
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